Breastfeeding – My success story

So I had a whale of a time trying with Ragnar...and it went totally – excuse the pun - tits up. So when I was pregnant with my second son, Wolf, I knew I would want to try breastfeeding again. This time I knew what I was heading into C section wise, and I knew what to expect. I also wouldn’t be so tired as I was the first time round. It would be elective, without going into labour, and not an emergency. I also wouldn’t have quite so many drugs in my system. So this time I knew, I wanted as much skin on skin as possible, as soon as he was lifted to me. Which I did, and that was it – bosh! I was a breastfeeding Mumma.

I have truly loved breastfeeding, it has been very different to pumping, but still with equal hardships and tough nights. It's made me feel more guilty, for not being able to breastfeed Ragnar. Wolf always seems so content, and I put this down to the way he made his entrance into the world compared to Ragnar’s, and that he is breastfed. Boobs are just more comforting to a baby than a plastic bottle, end of.

Boobs serve as all round comforters, when they’re tired, overtired, hungry, sad, just stick the boob in and they’re happy bunnies. Ragnar never got the same comfort from a bloody sterilised tommee tippee let me tell you. I used to have to bounce that baby every night for a good ½ hour to get him to sleep after a bottle. With Wolf he’d just go drowsy on the boob and I just lay him down...just like that.. he'd drift off into a warm milky slumber...he has been and is still, the easiest and most content baby I’ve ever known. I just had no idea how different it could be.

The main things I didn’t know…

You can start squirting milk at any given time...getting out of the shower – all warmed up like a human milkshake – just squirtin away like a goodun

Running upstairs without having pumped or fed...you’re gonna be dribbling all the way upstairs let me tell you…

Going for that one night out you’ve been looking forward to for a year...that’ll be the night you forget your handpump and dribble into on side of your LBD like you have left a tap on….in your bra… True story...

And the giant super boob ...this is also a real thing , I had one boob twice the size of the other for 9 months, as one pretty much did 70% of the job all the time. I could only wear sports bras and I would just flop them out at feeding time like a cow or a pig in the petting zoo...

They were uncomfortable to lay on. My boobs that is, not my children...You have to wear really boring stuff, in order to be able to whip out your baps at any given moment – dresses are a no go unless you don’t mind getting naked to feed...I’ll leave that one up to you...hey no judgement…

But having said all that, the good things wayyyyyy outway the bad. In my personal experience. However I also realise how lucky I am to have experienced it. And it is a true technique, that new mums have to learn, it doesn’t come to us all so easily, and it can be very lonely at times. I am however, so so so pleased I got to have a go. I don’t want to compare my relationship between each child and myself, but I just can't help it when it comes to this topic. Does Ragnar cry more because he had formula and a bottle?...does he have allergies because he wasn’t breast fed?...Does he find comfort in my embrace?...the list of mum guilt theories is endless..So much pressure is put on us when we fall pregnant that Breast is best...But as always Fed is Best.

I have now decided that my breastfeeding journey with Wolf must come to an end. He has teeth coming through, and he is eating as much as his older brother, so he definitely doesn’t need me for food, he just looks to me now for comfort. And I think I just want to start feeling like Aimee a little more, you have to appreciate I feel like I have been pregnant and carrying around newborns for the last two years, so its time to get my body back...for a little while anyway...Don’t get me wrong, I love that I had them so close together, which I’ll go into in more detail at some point, but for now, I need to feel more than just 'Mummy' . Greedy bitch I know. So I had intended this post to be a long drawn out process of how I stopped breastfeeding. How I had to sleep listening to him screaming as my hubby tried to bottle feed him to sleep...staying in another room so he couldn't smell me....But….he just took the bottle...every time..no fuss...didn’t look back...So bye bye Boobies, within three days it was over... hello again to wired bras, summer dresses without flappy boob hole compartments and to not answering the door with my tits hanging out.