My Birth Story - Master Ragnar Richards

Deep Breathe Everyone..Here We Go...

I was due to be induced as I was 42 weeks on Monday morning, however on the Sunday morning at about 3am I was woken up by contractions - they were about 30 minutes apart, and not very strong so I woke my husband up at 9am. With them now being 20 minutes apart. We decided to go out - and take our mind off it, so off to Sainsbury's we went (the whole time I thought I was the absolute Mr big bollocks for being in labour yet still doing my weekly shop....) I got home, I sat on my ball, watched David Attenborough , and got my tens machine at the ready.

By 9pm I was getting bored of bouncing, my back was aching, my contractions were about 10 minutes apart - I checked in with my midwife - I popped into the hospital to see her.... Yep I was that guy, the one that went in wayyyy to early... wishful thinking on my part I know - I was 3cms ...Oh my GOD! 3 CMS !!!! The back pain was incredible, I was given some aromatherapy oil on cotton to help me.... I felt I knew where this was going at that very moment...

Now honestly hand on heart my plan was a water birth, yoga, meditation and calm relaxing music, but now 16 hours in, I was craving a little more than a sniff of a whiffy handkerchief. I really wanted to choke the midwife with it...tbh.. .she told me 'that's why its called labour, its hard work'...(great thanks for that big F. U)

OK I reset my head space, went home and got in the bath and waited patiently for the bed they had put aside for me for my initial induction. I sat at home going from the bath to the sofa back to the bath not sleeping a wink, watching movie after movie with my beloved dogs sat by feet, looking very concerned for the squeaking, and by this point, safe to say, quite irritated mummy to be. When 9am came I was like a new woman, I bathed, did my hair, got clean clothes on, all mid contractions - with the hope in my heart that they had a bed for me - so this was it - birthing day!

My husband got lost on the way to the hospital - this shit you cant make up! I swear to god if I could've talked through the pain I would've murdered him! I winced over every bump in the road and as he made his 465 point turn in the road to turn us around (!!!) I just kept breathing and kept in my head.

When we finally got there my pain had increased but they had no bed available for me - I mean ffs- so they sent me the midwifery unit who said I wasn't in active labour... So...they sent me to a 'limbo' ward who said I was 6 cms (hoooorah!!!) and so sent me back to the midwifery led unit. The midwives checked baby first, and they found he had gone back to back.

The yoga positions they then tried to put me in - remembering that I was 42 + 2 at this point and enormous! It was like trying to bend and squeeze an obese orang-utan. They wanted my arms rested on the floor with my pelvis in the air! They wanted my bump hanging sideways of the bed with 3 of them holding my legs mid air! It was very unflattering to say the least and safe to say - didn’t work at all. So, I was dragged back to the limbo ward, and by this point as you can imagine, I was deflated, frustrated and worn out. My front waters broke at 3am. And I was finally then given my first pain relief in 3 days of contracting - of gas and air- which of course - didn’t touch the fat, swollen, excruciating sides!

I was keeping other women up on the ward with my animal like grunting and caterwauling, and they wanted me to try and get some rest as I had now been awake for 72 hours. I hadn't eaten or drunk anything without throwing it back up so they gave me there biggest shot of Pethidine to relax me.

The nurse was shocked when I walked past her 20 minutes later for a wee. She thought I'd be comatosed... Of course the Pethidine didn’t effect me either, and I was still in too much pain to sleep, she thought it would have knocked me out for at least a couple of hours. I sent my husband home to walk the dogs and carried on contracting like a slinky going down a never ending staircase.

The ward sister ran me a bath to try and help me relax- it was 34 degrees on the ward..so I stuck my fat pink sweaty Mr Blobby like bod in the steaming water to try and alleviate some of the pain, as soon as my arse cheeks hit the base of that tub - they called for me to go to delivery suite. So it was up and out, and down to delivery suite by myself no less! Men - they cant do anything right during labour can they(!)

After 78 hours of contracting I finally broke and accepted the offer of an epidural. They put my legs on the side with a big kidney shaped ball between my legs to try and get baby in a better position. They broke my back waters, and hooked me up to my drip. I could still feel my contractions and I was still in pain but not half as bad! I was put on the Oxytocin drip to start the induction , I was on it for 11 hours, whilst having my vagina washed every hour with cotton wool balls to stop risk of infection. Honestly, there will never be another thing that embarrasses me, now that I’ve had my Hoohaa washed down at face level by a complete stranger.

However it became clear the tension in the room had changed. There were now a team of midwives with me, Baby's heart rate was spiking as he was in obvious distress. They felt the top of his head and could feel that he was unusually swollen by being battered around so much. They warned us that he would be very bruised and have an odd shape head when he was born. The Doctor came in looked at my 11 hours worth of induction notes in a blink and said - time for theatre.

With that came the signing of surgery paperwork, they rushed me down to theatre, then took my Epidural out and put in a stronger Spinal block. The anaesthetist was the only one who had a mobile phone on him, so he played his playlist for us to relax to. The team were incredible. Jovial, professional and so caring. I started to shake uncontrollably - due to the Adrenalin hitting in working against the spinal block - and as Shaggy 'It wasn’t me' filled our ears in Operating Room 1, I was shown my red haired tiny pink squishy squealing baby boy over a shiny blue curtain . A moment so surreal I will never ever forget it. I burst into floods of tears.

However, quickly afterwards a Surgeon slipped on the floor to my right. I had lost a lot of blood, and they were trying to fix me up as quickly as possible. It turned out that there was a rip in my Uterus, where Ragnar had been pushing against, in the wrong place for so long during labour. So that had to be fixed. An hour later, I was wheeled through on my bed with my tiny baby boy for recovery. Very tired, very weak and very emotional. But after 96 hours I had my baby. My rainbow boy. My tiny miracle.

My water birth a distant memory, and I hadn't wanted Pethidine because what I'd read about babies then being drowsy and having difficulty breastfeeding. Ragnar never took my boob, so I exclusively pumped after his birth. I don't know if it was to do with the Pethidine in the end or because I didnt do skin on skin contact for long enough when he was first delivered, or if he just hates my boobies. Now looking back on my C section, I have a little bit of sadness of how my boy came into the world - he must have been so scared being in that state for so long, with the drugs and the hormones - But - and its a big but - He'll never remember any of it, and he is happy. He is healthy.

I had waited so so long my Darling, you are without doubt, my most magnificent moment. You are my heart.