Second Kid Syndrome

So, you've pee'd on that stick and its positive. Here we go again, midwife appointments, the maternity folder of notes, eating everything in sight, swelling tummy, swelling fingers, swelling arse....

But the overwhelming excitement soon starts to bubble up inside again, you can't help it, you're going to be a mummy...again. You're nervous of course, but deep down you know 2nd time round will be easier, and you can't wait to become a family of 4.

Well....let me tell you something....you are the only one that's that excited. And that thrill soon wears off even for you...this time round you can't nap whenever you feel like it, because you have a toddler at your side, the same toddler who's jumping on your belly, stealing your pregnancy craving snacks, and making you carry them 427 times a day. Its more tiring, and exhausting and all the symptoms seem to come back three times worse. Backache, hip ache, fanny ache, everything ache...You've lost the lust for buying huge sacks of babies clothes at every shop you visit, and don't have the time, any time, because you're so busy trying to keep your first born, entertained, fed or just plain alive...

On the bright side, the 2nd pregnancy with out doubt goes faster. This is good and bad.

When you're pregnant the first time you have lots of time on your hands. You make endless videos of your tummy being kicked form the inside out. You play your bump sweet music to ensure they're going to be an Einstein genius, you read all the baby books, and baby blogs, and baby apps...I think first time round is just more....romantic...sweet...memorable....but with that , slow, all consuming and scary.

Lets start with my family members, reaction to baby number 2. They didn't care, especially if like me you have the babies close together. I could see it in there eyes, "Jesus they need to get a hobby"....

The eye roll, when you announce, I mean, obviously your Mum and Dad are happy, they're not monsters, but I still got comments like, "You've only just had one", "are you trying to replace him", "do you think a 2nd one will be better than the first?" ...I'm not joking I got asked all these questions....

Then there's the baby shower, if you even have one 2nd time round! The first time you get what 50 - 100 cards, gifts galore, money thrown into your palms. The 2nd time round, you , may get like 3 - 4 cards. And a note from Grandma saying she'll buy something when they arrive because she guesses you have everything they need all ready.

But its not just them, it was the same for me. I'd 'had' all the firsts. The first time baby kicks. The first time they get the hiccups inside you. The first time you make your partner touch your tummy ...."oh wait ...there...did you feel it? No? Oh wait...there...there that time, did you feel it?" ....

And it's not that it's not as special, or as exciting. I think it's just that you don't have that time on your hands to be relishing in all those magical first moments. And for me especially having them so close together, I was very very aware that I had a very small window left of my whole life where it would just be me and Ragnar. That in a blink he would go from an only child to having a sibling, and I wanted to cram as much in with him as I could before the upcoming birth, as I knew...(it being pretty fresh in my memory!) how time consuming the newborn would be.

I didn't buy clothes second time round, (as we had everything!) I didn't go pram shopping, or crib researching, or rocker hunting...we did already have it all, we were lucky that way. And as they were going to be born the same time of year (Wolfs official due date being Ragnar's 1st birthday) we had the clothes in the right sizes for the right seasons, so we didn't need anything...

This came with new Mum guilt...Ragnar got a freshly painted nursery, new toys, new blankets, a new car seat...baby number two will get all 'hand me downs' from the get go...Is this a bad thing? Who knows! Mum's will guilt self them selves over everything. Fact. For the rest of their lives. Fact. That's just a thing we do.

But then when Wolf was born I noticed more and more the 2nd kid syndrome effect sneaking in. When he fell asleep on his front at 5 months old face down, I just left him...

With Ragnar I must've stayed up for 2 hours continuously turning him over, and again, and again, making sure he was still breathing, having no idea until I googled the next morning that as long they can lift up their own head, they were fine. Wolf got left faced down, if I blinked he was lucky.

WIth Ragnar I attended baby led weaning classes and started weaning at 6 months. Wolf had a whole roast dinner at 5 months old.

I watched Ragnar like a hawk at play groups. His first underwater swim I thought I would cry, I held my breath for him...you know? When he started learning to walk I covered our entire living room in baby crash matts.

Safe to say I did not do any of that with Wolf. I 'leave him to it' more. Is that the best way to put it...

Those first time Mum nerves have gone. So its not that you care less 2nd time round. But you're not as nervous. Not as precious.

Also Wolf sees me throwing Ragnar up in the air 100 times a day, he sees him fall down, scrape his knees and get right back up, so he's not only learning from just me, as Ragnar was.

Bedtime routine was easier, teething was easier...for me everything was just that little bit easier second time around. Been there got the t shirt vibe...

Its not only that you are more confident - you know what your doing, you have it all fresh in your mind (especially when having two so close in age) - Its that you don't have that time. That time first time round, is precious. It goes in a flash. It's not that you're less excited by having number 2 's arrival, its simply that you don't have as much time to relish / ponder in it all.

For me there is one thing that is better 2nd time round...and that was the moment that baby is handed into your arms.

Because, you know that adrenaline hit of love, the one that hits you in the back of your eyeballs and rushes all the way down to your toes and back up again..the one that makes you cry and smile at the same time...the one that only a Mother feels....that one is coming again...and you get to know that that feeling is coming, you pocket it, sit on it for 9 months ...you can hang on to that, and when it does come, and that little bean is handed to you, its better than you remembered, and better than you expected, and because you're more confident about babies and holding babies and feeding babies and changing babies...you just feel like a fucking superwoman.

So second babies might not get as much attention initially, but hey, they do get someone who knows a teeny weeny tiny little bit more about what they're doing....sometimes....maybe.....yeah I still put nappies on back to front sometimes...