So having two so close together...

So I did want twins.

I know, I'm a nutter! I just always wanted my child to have a best friend, someone that would always be there for them. Someone to always have their back, even if I wasn't around. A permanent bestie, to fight, bicker and laugh with. To cherish incredible moments with. I never had that. I wouldn't wish it on a child to be lonely. I had, not 1, but 2 (!!) imaginary friends when I was little, so that explains a lot! But yes, it was a choice to have two so close in age. It is quite hard to imagine what the future will hold, when your 12 week old baby is crying on your hip, and you're holding that little plastic stick in your other hand with two darkening pink lines before you. But, for the most part you don't really have much time to consider it.

Mainly, because your first isn't old enough for you to know what to expect...lets face it I'd only been a parent for 3 months I had no idea what was coming...teething, weaning...learning to walk...And secondly, because you're so busy with your newborn that your pregnancy flyssss by! But all I had to go on was my few weeks I'd had with Ragnar, and he was a good baby. A really beautiful, happy boy. So I couldn't wait for another baby to be honest.

First thing that most people say to me now is either...'Wow you have your hands full'....yup....no shite Sherlock...(P.S. all parents ever have their hands full , Okay, whether it be one baby or six! Being a parent is a full time job..) But yes, two little ones does keep me on the busy side of things.

Next thing people say is...'Well at least you'll get it all over in a one -ner...'....Errrr so I'm not allowed any more then...I didn't realise.... And get it over with...what an odd thing to say...I was under the impression it lasts a lifetime this parenting malarkey...parenting doesn't stop after they're potty trained!

So I think my main observation of having two so close together, whilst remembering that Rags is still only 20 months old, is it is not for the faint hearted.

This is what I always hear myself saying time and time again. I don't think it's for everyone. In fact, let's be honest, I know it's not for everyone. Some days are overwhelming, being outnumbered by two that are still so tiny, so dependant. You can feel you're fighting a losing battle, cajoling them every nap time, meal times turning out to be a wash out, and teeth brushing time is like they've become the Tasmanian devil. It can make you feel like the world's against you. But, on the bright side, and there is a bright side - every day - without question : the laughter is doubled, the silliness is doubled and the love is doubled. You're already in baby mode. You're already up to your neck in nappies, what's a few more nights of broken sleep? Hahaha.....

But seriously, the positives for me, wayyyy outway the negatives. Having said that a good mind set, and an understanding partner go a long way too...

For me those first couple of weeks were the trickiest, 'finding the new normal'. Settling into life as a family of 4. Let alone the recovery of a C section with a toddler bouncing all over you, and them not being old enough to understand why Mummy cant pick them up - heartbreaking btw- I didn't last long on that one! But the guilt that sets in when you suddenly have to start making your first born wait, and wait, wait all the time, and they've never had to wait before....and they've always come first...I presume that's what its like for all 2nd time, 3rd time Mums, but of course Ragnar was still only 11 months old when Wolf was born, so being that young was a blessing and a curse I suppose in hindsight. A blessing because he'll never remember life without Wolf in it, but a curse because he couldn’t understand or be explained to, to say why Mummy was suddenly busy with another baby all the time and not him. Cue Mum guilt! Big fat slap in the face Mum guilt!

However, on those rare occasions (!!) they are sweet together it makes your heart burst. But when one is teething, and the other is breastfed, and they both need Mummy at the same time, and you're being pulled in two different directions it is really hard.I was not prepared for that. No one I knew had had 2 so close in age. And crib hopping is an actual thing, I have pretzeled myself into shapes in those cribs I didn’t know I physically could, and hopped from one to another, with both in my arms, with one in my arms, and one on my lap...its just what you do, you just do it...it sounds tough, but in the moment, being a mum just takes over and you just get the job done.

So having two so close in age, obviously has its ups and downs. I thought I'd go through a little guide of tips and things I wish I'd known before heading into the chaotic world of having 2 under 2, well at one point I actually had 2 under 1! Because it has been full on, without doubt. Just in case anyone is reading this out there that has found themselves in the same situation, or may be considering trying for two close together.

You have to remember I have had it no other way. These are my first two babies, so I have never known any different. I didn't even know what having a toddler was like even when I was already pregnant with baby number 2. So, for me I've found it, for the most part, smooth sailing, and I think these are a few reasons why...

Let's talk sleep...

Well... I've always been OK without much sleep.

Ok you hate me now...... I know...but with two so close in age, just admit defeat on sleep for the most part I would say...Lets face it, this is a, if not THE biggest thing new mums struggle with: broken sleep, lack of sleep, no sleep at all....you can't really prepare for it, you'll never really understand it until its upon you... It can really shit people up....

So tips for getting a better sleep is to try and start a bedtime routine from really early on. Newborns need to be trained what is day and what is night. I also liked to get a nap schedule started ASAP, so with my 2nd son, once that was established, my daily routine went pretty well.

However I always think that about once every 2 weeks you're going to hit some ridiculous, god knows why reason, to fuck this up (tummy ache, wind, tummy ache, teeth, wind, did I say teeth... ) that will break this routine and mess up your whole day ... But it's rare, it's manageable, it's just babies.

With 2 you very much can't nap when they nap... Because for the most part they nap at different times. If you're up 8 times a night, crib hopping , and then you have to entertain two babies all day by yourself that are at very different development stages but both still incredibly dependent on Mum, then you are gonna need a strong coffee and a positive outlook. TV, and The Wiggles will become your best friend!

Talk to people , open up, don’t try and keep it all inside, let it out...talk to other Mums on Instagram, talk on the phone, join Mum apps, try and remain positive, and remember you have two beautiful babies.

For me, I always focused on getting the newborn down for a nap first, and then my eldest would have to wait to be put down as he was easier to keep happy in the mean time, with snacks and TV. If I couldn’t get them to nap in their respective cribs then I'd fill them both with milk and get them in the buggy. Hopefully they'd both end up asleep in there. But do try and get a nap pattern established (eye rolls by all Mums ever...I know !!!!) Maybe it was luck, or sheer determination but nap routine definitely worked for me and it helps! And dare I say it without sounding like a terrible Mother - gives you some alone time to rest and have a cuppa - halllllleluuuujaaaahhhhhh!!!!

Don't beat yourself up if it doesn't go to plan. That would be another tip, but it's easy to remember, hard to achieve, I get it.

I found it actually became simpler when I became a bit more militant, especially with two, always having everything to hand, near by, and being more organised made life easier. You don't want to be darting upstairs for nappies or anything, so have little baskets downstairs with all your bits in, and a change of romper for poo explosions, just makes life wayyyy easier, because you cant carry them both upstairs, and bet your bottom dollar they'll both start screaming if you leave the room and disappear those first few months.

If they don't nap they can start screaming and wailing and both hanging on to you for dear life. Prepare for this it will happen. I was not prepared for how draining this is, emotionally - because they’re both just tiny babies wanting you, and you alone. Top tip - just remove yourself, have a wee, take a deep breath and go back to them with a refreshed head space. Babies cry, they will both cry, a lot, at the same time, just remember to breath ....they're fine, its just for the most part their way of communicating, but if they’re not hurt in anyway you are going to have to decide who gets sorted first. This is hard, but sadly, a must.

Routine can get a tad monotonous, especially in lockdown!!! But for the most part it means just lots of playtime and content babies. However my eldest is now obviously a really stickler for routine , and if you break it, he gets a bit whingey because he's confused. But whingey beats uncontrollable any day. I have to be by myself with the boys on a normal day, from 6am to 4pm, 6 days a week as my husband is a postman. So routine works for us, it's not for everyone I understand that, but for me it made having two so close in age more manageable for sure.

Let's talk buggies, so I have had 2. You have to have a double buggy when it comes to 2 under 2, you can't manage without it. They can cost a bomb, but are total life safer. I have had an icandy tandem that has adapters so they sit behind one another, and I also have a double buggy 3 wheeler, called the Out and About Nipper, where they sit next to one another side by side. The icandy was great until Wolf gained weight and it began to tip. So for example, if Wolf sat in the back, when you took Ragnar out from the front to let him walk around, Wolf would fall backwards towards the floor.. Rather sharpish ..and Ragnar couldn't fit in the back as he's a lanky bean pole so... Not great.... I ended up leaning the buggy on chairs to stabalize it when I took them out.. It became a bit of a nightmare to be honest. So I got the 'Out and About' , it's great, mine was 2nd hand off ebay it was only £115. Lovely to see them side by side. Doesn't fit through my corner shops door...but does fit on the bus, does fold down easily and goes in the back of my car. So on the whole very easy to use, practical, and not too pricey for a double buggy.

That of course is the other tip when having two so close in age, by 2nd hand, accept all hand me downs, become at one with the preloved, as when you have two everything becomes seriously more pricey.

Also have 2 high chairs. I got mine both used to a high chairs as soon as possible, this was great because its somewhere safe to pop them, as sometimes you just gotta dump a baby for a second safely somewhere, and also gets the 2nd baby used to meal times really quickly, poop the newborn in a highchair with padding to play with toys whilst you feed your eldest - great tip so you don’t have to have one on your knee whilst you try and coax the other with spag bol.

I also had a huge playpen, mine was off Ebay for about £80 it's big, plastic and ghastly. But it's been worth it's weight in gold, especially when I needed somewhere safe to put my eldest to let play whilst I was busy breastfeeding my youngest. This meant I could breastfeed the newborn in peace, without having to jump up and get theother one down off a coffee table, or dart across the room to stop him from eating a phone charger, when he was still so little.

And final tip, get them bathing together asap, we got a baby bath for 2 , as we don’t have a regular 'adult' bath in our house, and it meant they can play and spend time together before bed, and cuts your work in half. And hey with 2 , any time savers, for a bit of extra feet up time for Mummy is a must!

I cant wait to see how my boys grow together. They aren't twins. They don’t look alike. But they are close in age. They are already such different little people, but at some point they'll be similar heights, similar development stages, similar likes and interests. Tearing up my house, leaving a trail of destruction...and God help me right....