To Pump Or Not to Pump...

So those that have read my birth story with my first son, know that I really struggled with latching and my milk didn’t come in immediately, and a whole other bunch of issues that meant I couldn’t breastfeed Ragnar. However, I wanted him to have the breast milk. As I had heard all the benefits of having booby juice. This is not an easy option to take, but at the time, it was my first child, and I was, in no other certain terms, naive.

So, I decided to exclusively pump. The midwives looked on at me shocked...why I wondered ...easy peezy...

All I had was a hand pump. So, needless to say, I learned a lot very quickly.

A hand pump will not do. I got a cheap second hand electric pump...because I am a cheapskate and always budget where I can...and it worked perfectly. You will need a hand pump to express when you’re out and about , but a hand pump at home, is not practical at all.

I did a lot of research, I joined a pumping newsletter list and got an app to remind me when to pump, all that jazz.

I thought pumping was easy, I stick myself on a machine, I freeze the milk, I give it straight to bubba if I want. Bish bash bosh. He’s still getting the best...This is going to be a breeze. And to begin with, when you’re at home in your newborn baby bubble and have no where to go but to sit upon your sofa and receive adoring guests, it is quite easy. Newborns sleep a lot, so you can pump whilst they nap, and watch Netflix, and it all goes according to plan.

Then it gets a little more complicated. You dare to start leaving the house for more than two hours at a time. So you’re gonna need to pump. Pumping does not produce milk in the same way as breastfeeding, because a machine does not latch the same, it doesn’t get out the same amount of milk as a baby would naturally drink, and you’re not creating as much Oxytocin (the happy hormone) because your staring at a plastic tube suck your nipples into the size of a donkeys teats...not looking at beautiful baby...so ...you do need to pump regularly, to maintain your supply.

I am not joking when I say this...the size of donkey teats...they suck your nipple in a way that is mesmerising as well as horrifying all at the same time.

I had an alarm reminder on my phone. This was easy to stick to at first as I say because baby was asleep a lot, but when baby started getting bigger and you were having to stick yourself on a machine for 20 minutes every 3 hours, this doesn’t really fit into babies idea of fun – as most mothers know, sometimes you don’t get time to pee, or eat, or wash...let alone sit on a pump. Waking yourself up at 2am to sit on a pump hearing that whirring noise, grinding away at your boobs in the dark was a lonely place at times. Sitting in M & S loo with your baby on the changing mat whilst you squeeze your hand pump on your boobs so fast you get wrist ache was again not that fun. My lowest point was sitting in a Whetherspoons on Saturday lunch time, hearing a drunkern teenager being sick in the stall beside me, whilst I had to pump. But you literally do anything for your baby, and I thought it was the total norm, I knew nothing else. And I would have absolutely done it again for my second son, if he hadn’t latched. However, it does mean you need a lot of ‘kit’. A hand pump, spare bottles, hand sanitizer, an electric pump, breast milk storage bags, Milton, a sterilising kit, back up ready made formula in case you cant pump anywhere...and yes I have pumped stuck in a traffic jam on the A11 with truckers staring through at me, just so my baby would stop crying and have a bottle, because I had no formula on me!

It was draining , and became gruelling at around 3 months. My milk stopped coming in one boob totally as I was not pumping evenly. I couldn’t afford a double pump, so something I would definitely invest in if I were to do it again. And I felt like he was needing more and more and I just didn’t have the time to sit pumping all the time. Newborns don’t just fancy milk at specific time intervals, they want milk whenever they can get it– so I found it increasingly difficult to get in the time to pump enough. I gave up – I felt sad, I felt defeated, I felt though I had done my best.

(And to note here, who knows, if I hadn’t have stopped when I did I may not have gone back to ovulating in a normal cycle, when I did, and getting pregnant, with what is now my gorgeous second son. So for me - I did exactly the right thing.)

Looking back at this time, In hindsight, having now experienced breastfeeding, I think they are both incredible. The Mother is an incredible force. I am still amazed as to what the human body can do. Both were equally hard at times. Pumping is a dedication. I had no idea at the time, but it is work, it takes effort and planning. It is a full on responsibility on the Mothers shoulders alone. It can be lonely, and it can be exhausting – just as breastfeeding can be. As I always say, fed is best. But I hope if you have had to pump or are thinking about pumping this gives you an incy wincy insight.